These Verizon-Themed Porn Videos Are Loading Really Fast Now

 
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Verizon Fios Service Technician Makes House Call
Usually I’m more into the classic pizza delivery guy but hey, I can appreciate porn producers wanting to explore new narratives. The customer starts out on the phone and when hangs up he just sits there reading a book for forty-seven minutes. Not really my kink. Bright side is this video loaded up lightening quick so I could just fast forward to the goodies.

Secretary Late For Work at Verizon Headquarters
Oof, this workplace stuff always gets me going. What I wasn’t expecting was the boss to pull out an oversized novelty Reese’s Pieces mug. He slipped off his belt all slow, took a sip out of the huge cup and said ‘Yeah, you like being my little mug slut?’ It was pretty distracting so I tried to move on to some basic camping scenes but the link took me to an error message that read ‘We’re sorry, your service provider doesn’t support this content.’ Whatever.

Pool Boy Moonlights at Russell Cellular (Verizon Wireless Authorized Reseller)
The blazing sun, bathing suits, manual labor, all the sexy we need, right? Apparently not because out of no where, I find out the pool boy also sorts the stock room of a local Verizon Wireless reseller…OK. He whispers it while rubbing sunscreen onto the rich dude’s shoulders and I couldn’t really get into it after that. There’s just something so repulsive about a guy who works for a company that works for another company that wields the power to disrupt American democracy that really kills the mood, you know?

Babysitter Sends Unlimited Nudes With Verizon Wireless
Ah, forbidden love. It’s a lot easier to look passed the fact that I’m getting off to adultery when the backstory includes months of nudie pics but they don’t even show any of them. The two just sit fully clothed and say ‘when you really want the best you switch to Verizon Unlimited and get up to three hundred dollars off the new iPhone’ over and over until the mom comes home early and slaps both of them with different smartphones. They laugh and hug and then the video just ends.

Picked Up A Human Verizon Billboard
Your run-of-the-mill 'stranger off the street trades sex for a ride' except this hitchhiker juggles cardboard for Verizon Wireless, America’s most reliable network and fugliest cyber bridge troll. Turns out the driver, camera dude, and sexual counterpart are actually Verizon Fios service technicians and they all go buck wild in a parked van while countless customers stuck on hold listen to gravelly classical music and wonder why their internet service continues to suck. This one’s actually pretty hot so I downloaded it to my desktop faster than I could say ‘Investigate FCC Chairman Ajit Pai.’